Turning to the Horizon
I was talking to my therapist the other day about how there are some big life changes coming up for me soon. My husband is returning to school to pursue a PhD in the fall. We’ll be moving farther from my family than I ever have lived before. We plan on starting our own family while he is in his program. As I talked about all these changes, I realized something. All these changes revolve around my husband moving forward with his next academic goal, and it felt in that moment like I was just along for the ride. Stuck in the dreaded Passenger’s Seat, watching the world fly by my window.
Of course, being in a long-term partnership can mean moving in the direction your partner is choosing. It’s a give and take. Sometimes, you will move at your pace, sometimes at your partner’s pace, and sometimes at a compromised-upon pace you both set together. I don’t want to give the impression that my husband going back to school is somehow selfish because it requires me to move in a way that is not all about me and my goals. Rather, it is a time for me to readjust. To turn towards a new horizon and see what opportunities wait on this new path.
Such a task can feel very overwhelming, though. Reorienting your entire sense of direction? Giving up on perhaps a long-held plan and having to create a new one? Sounds like a recipe for anxiety and self-doubt. And where do you even start, anyway? Maybe it has been so long since you crafted the plan to reach your goals that your planning skills have grown a little rusty. You weren’t expecting life’s curve balls to be this, well, curvy!
As anxiety-inducing as this situation can be, it’s not as dire as it may seem. In fact, it can be fun to take in your new circumstances and create new plans towards your goals. It’s like a puzzle, taking apart the pieces of your old plan and fitting them together until they make new plans! Perhaps a big change in your life that has taken you off your old path has also given you new opportunities you wouldn’t have had access to before. By turning to the horizon, unafraid, you open yourself to the possibilities of an even better path.
So, as I face these life changes, I ask myself what is truly changing about my goals. Can I still reach them in a new town, in new circumstances? Absolutely. Will I need to do some reevaluating to create a new plan? Yes. And will I need support in order to do that reevaluating? Sure! But change, in and of itself, is not a monster to fight. Change is merely a new direction, a new horizon, to turn to and a new path to start walking. After all, there is more than one path to get you where you want to go.